I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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