peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
