He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize