I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
