Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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