so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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