I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Randomize
