currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize