Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
