i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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