i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
