Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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