Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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