Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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