I am in a vortex of obligation.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
