I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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