I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
