The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
