p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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