mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
