I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
