Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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