We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
