Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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