just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Randomize
