Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
