I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
