I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
