I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
