She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
