dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
