Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We left an ass print on the piano.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
