omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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