I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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