wrigley field is MILF paradise
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I still have a little drunk in my system
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
