I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
