It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
