apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
