Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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