it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
