We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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