for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
