I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Fuck appropriateness.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
