Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
