You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
