i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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