there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
