Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
