What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
