i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
