she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
