i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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