There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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