it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
