Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
