I puked a lego.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
