I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
