Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
