remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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