you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
