When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
