Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
