I met the friendliest cop last night
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
