This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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