yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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