How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
