yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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