Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
