i dont even know how to be here
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
