I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
