come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
