So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
