It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
