The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Randomize
