I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
