we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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