the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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