Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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