I wish my penis had an off switch
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
