in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
