shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
