i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
