So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
