Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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