Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
