Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
