No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
