I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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