Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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