I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize