she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
