one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
