Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize