shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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