The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I'm really busy with my period
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