Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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