dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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