and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
