Fine. I'll sleep in my office
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
