Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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