dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
