he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize