i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So vagazzling was a success
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
