took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize